


Soda Machine...In a Desert

by MysteryPines



Category: Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Crack, Dehydration, Gen, Humor, Stranded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryPines/pseuds/MysteryPines
Summary: This is what happens when I break from playing Final Fantasy VII Remake and is then immediately reminded of a Family Guy moment where Brian and Stewie Griffin get stranded in the desert.
Relationships: Cloud Strife & Barret Wallace
Kudos: 1





	Soda Machine...In a Desert

The blazing sun beat down heavily on rogue Avalanche activist and ex-SOLDIER mercenary. Barret Wallace, whose dark skin had a slight red barely visible tint to him, and Cloud Strife, flushed pink from head to toe due to his fair skin, as the former and latter respectively.

They huffed in the oven like air and wheezed it back out as their feet dragged heavily behind them through the dry, unforgivingly hot sand.

Barret's compass had all but fused to the palm of his hand as they continuously headed east in hopes of finding civilization. The large, beefy man wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. He looked down at the lithe mercenary to where exhaustion marred deeply onto Cloud's unfairly pretty face. The most emotion Barret has ever seen on the merc's face, well, ever. He felt pity at the shame Cloud had to endure such misery but doesn't mull over it for too long.

"Any...idea...how much...longer..." huffs Cloud. Unable to say more due to his parched throat.

"Would've...been there sooner...if wasn't for...damn mirages," grunted Barret.

"Stupid...Reno..."

They dragged themselves for another ten yards as the beginnings of faintness tried overtaking them. However, Barret notices something in the distance. A gleam reflecting in the light of the desert's sun framed by a black rectangle.

Barret didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to get his or Cloud's hopes up in fear that it was another mirage he was witnessing. That was until Cloud looked up and pointed in the same direction as the reflection asking, "What's that?"

Barret immediately perked up, relieved that his sanity was still intact.

"Hot damn! It's a Dr. Potions machine!"

"What the hell is...a vending machine doing...in a desert? That...doesn't make sense...in any...(swallows)context."

"Who cares!" Barret reaches down to grab Cloud's hand intending to drag the young merc along with him. Except both of their hands were so sweaty they slipped apart as soon as Barret started running fumes. "We're saved!"

"Barret-" Cloud called after his excited employer and bemoaned the thought of jogging to catch up with him.

When the ex-SOLDIER finally caught up Barret's form was slumped over yet still towered high above Cloud's line of sight. The vending machine momentarily remained unseen.

Barret unleashed a heavy sigh. Cloud grew concern.

Cloud placed a gentle hand in the middle of Barret's back causing the larger man to shrink.

"Don't look now, Cloud," Barret proclaims in despair. "It was an allusion. Another sick, twisted joke played upon our minds. I don' know what kinda malign forces are out there messing with us. But we must persevere! We cannot let them win with this...phony. This false hope." he turns around, letting a brief flash of what was indeed a vending machine that apparently was not what it first seemed. "We will continue on in our-"

"Will you get on with it already," groans a barely interested Cloud.

Barret, unfazed by the mercenary's interruption, took off his sunglasses in a dramatic fashion looking off into the distance. His tone, heavy and raspy from the lack of fluids his desperately needs, rumbles in his dry throat as he laments, "It's an RC machine."

Barret is startled out of his stupor upon a suddenly loud thud against the machine behind him. He was perturbed and in disbelief as Cloud pocketed a few cans.

Popping one open, Cloud leans against the front of the machine, "You're an idiot." before chugging down half the can.


End file.
